Conqueror

A lot of people know I am working out a lot for my body to be strong but no one knows whilst there's a battle inside that challenges my faith to also remain strong and keep going. I feel like the only thing I am getting in life is pain after pain and betrayal after betrayal.  I am full of bitterness. I cannot really understand the things that are happening to me. I don't know where I am going. I don't know what to do with my career. I don't have any idea what my future will be. And as I struggle, I also begin to isolate myself bec no one will understand and I also don't want other people to invalidate what I am going through and/or hurt me again.

I've watched Toni Gonzaga's interview with Joy Mendoza and it reminded me that I have to make the obvious but hard choice so I can move forward- to forgive. It really is so hard to forgive people especially when they keep on doing the same things to me. But it is harder to forgive myself for losing myself,dwelling on the pain, for burying myself to sadness, for letting anger and bitterness prey upon me and for not completely relying on God's plan. When the bible said "...in all things God works for the good of those who love Him", it really means all, including the things that are not acceptable to us and not just the good ones. I cannot do it alone and it's going to be a long process so help me pray for the Spirit to intercede so that I may completely heal and forgive and that I may have hope on things that I do not yet have.

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

While I can see physical progress, I hope that what's inward will also soon progress.

Life During Quarantine

14 April 2020- Exactly 30 days since the Philippine government has imposed the Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) due to the CoViD-19 pandemic. The government aims to flatten the curve or simply eliminate the chances of the virus from transmitting to other people. Today finally starts the mass testing in our country. Mass testing means doing swab test to those who (1)exhibit influenza-like symptoms and have travelled to the place where there are confirmed cases or have had exposure to a CoViD-19 positive, (2)health workers who have been in contact with a person who tested positive, and (3) those high risk people-people who have underlying conditions, pregnant women, and senior citizens. It is vital in containing the virus as it is the tool used to identify the infected so they can be isolated and be treated.

*ctto

        To date, there have been  1,930,780 confirmed cases worldwide to which 5,223 are from the Philippines. Number of  deaths has reached 120,863 worldwide and the Philippines with 335. And of course there have been recorded recoveries to wit: 464,398 worldwide and 295 from the Philippines. And we are all claiming (in Jesus'name) for higher stats of recoveries and no additional confirmed cases in the coming days.
         But nope, the purpose of this blog is not to reiterate the information you surely see everywhere. This is actually my way of tracking how my quarantine days are like/have been. I am one of those who have been blessed to not lose my job and have the benefit of working from home. It is indeed a blessing to be with the family in this time of crisis. However, work-from-home is not as easy as I thought it would be. Lots of coordination has to be made and being away from your co-workers means doubling the hard of communicating. Grateful our office isn't as demanding as other offices  days after the ECQ had been imposed and I can really feel that they still prioritize the health of their manpower. We can work at our own pace unless a report or data is urgently needed.
        A month after and my concerns have changed from fear of contracting the virus or any of the people dear to me to the anxiety of not knowing when this will end and if we will be able to be back to "normal"soon. I miss seeing my friends. I miss going out since I haven't been outside our home since the quarantine has been declared. I miss our normal lives. Guess, I have to look at the brighter side for now that I am still blessed to be missing those things just for a span of time and not taken the chance to experience those again.
       Hope we can all pray for the the people who are holding the fort for us:doctors, nurses, other medical practitioners/experts, farmers, fisher folks, utility workers, soldiers, policemen, food delivery/supply drivers, security guards and  leaders. Let's pray for their protection and good health. Let us also pray for the healing of those infected. Pray for our leaders, for their plans, actions, and sound decisions. Pray for the poor, that they may find help. Pray for one another, to get through the anxiety this is causing us. Let's pray for a CoViD-19 free world and remain hopeful.

Unpleasant Things About Break-ups

It is very common to feel bad after a break-up. Everyone will agree for sure. But why is it really hard and sad? Maybe because you've put so much time and effort. Maybe because you have very different views on commitment? For you, commitment is something to be taken seriously and wholeheartedly and so, you did. You probably gave your hundred percent and sometimes even more. You really want things to work out and you want your partner to have an idea of the amount of happiness you're feeling. Even though it scares you and you made solitude your haven, you've fallen to the life is sweeter when shared trap. So after years of waiting, you finally welcomed  someone to share moments with.

Or maybe because you can't believe you entrusted your heart to someone who never really had a thought of taking care of it. You let the feelings grow for someone who didn't appreciate how much courage it caused you to let it. How much convincing you had that this one is different. But he wasn't. He left and you don't even  have  the slightest idea about what truly happened. That someone really had the guts to give you those sweet lies and play with your heart even when what you only did was be nice.

I guess the painful thing was believing he would be there and won't hurt you yet he has put you to the saddest moment yet of your life where you can only cry and wish for the pain to stop. And the worst part was finding yourself still crying in the middle of the night after months, thinking why'd you deserve such pain when all you did was fall in love to someone who has first showed interest in you and pursued you anyway.

(After finishing this entry, realised it wasn't the best post to read on a new year. Still greeting you anyway... Happy New Year!)

Social Media Over Time

We've seen how every generations differ, how needs change and so, how technologies develop. Living in this digital world today compels us to also "make a life" in the cyber world.

Yep. I, as well, was hooked. For sure, you have created accounts in all those social media apps. And I have to admit that for those people [like me] who always felt unseen and unheard, would likely love the idea of grabbing this chance to somehow "redefine" their identity.  It felt like the people in the cyber world were less discriminatory and I've felt its serving its very reason- to re-connect to old confidants, to connect to new acquiantances and to better express ourselves. It was then a harmless medium of making yourself be who you want to be.

Until one day, you became so active that you post too much. You realized you're spending hours in social media monitoring the number of your followers and counting likes. The number of people who noticed your post suddenly becomes the basis of your worth. The stranger begun to have the power to criticize you since you've made your life out in the open. The wasted hours from stalking and watching irrelevant videos. The unnecessary statuses posted due to extreme emotions, which you may or may not admit, some were posted for sympathy. But then people are not in the social media for your life alone. How the cyber world evolved from a friendly environment to being toxic. People started bashing each other. Non-sense things would be a trend. Fake news are spreading all over our newsfeeds.

Then suddenly reality told you to keep things low-key. Not every life event demands to be posted. Not every situation demands reaction. And not every thing you see demands your attention.  You choose where and when you use your energy into.

I hope we'll see the importance of choosing the people/things we follow and so, the things we share. Content > trend. This way we can protect how we see ourselves and how we feel about other people. Moreover, what other people would get from us.

This has been the age of social influencers- follow the influencer who makes you see the kind of influencer you want to be. The influencer that matches your purpose. Use this platform to raise awareness, to educate, to promote love and to point back people to our Almighty God.

Make it a habit to leave the cyberworld to live in the real world. To disconnect from the internet to connect to the people around you. And to improve yourself more than your social accounts and social media status.

Just when I thought I would write the sweetest poems for you... because of you...

Nagsimula sa matatamis na salita,
Pinakitang lahat ng ito ay tama.
Sa kabila ng pagtataka,
'Di pa rin napigilang maniwala.

Nagtiwala sa sinabi,
Hindi ko alam paano nangyari,
Sa kabila nang iniwasang pagtangi,
Ako pa rin ay iyong nahuli.

Ang sinabi mo'y masaya ka,
Batid kong pareho tayo ng nadarama.
Pinagbigyan at nagtiwala,
Inakalang ito ay iba na.

Ngunit ako pa rin pala ay iiwan,
Ako pa rin pala'y bibigyan ng tanong sa isipan.
Ako pa rin pala ang mangangapa.
Ako pa rin pala ay muling luluha.

04-30-2017

A woman so calm like the ocean
Finds bliss in the littlest of things
Enjoying her solitude
Then you came
You tried to make your way into her world
And when she finally let you pass
There you are
Running away so fast
And now going back
To what she should be
Guarding her heart
And never let again the unsure
Enter her light

---
JL

Allied Botanical Corp. Sunflower Maze

We first visited Allied Botanical Corporation in 2010 or 2011. They only had vegetable farm then and I am not sure if the place was really open for the public or they only allowed us to have a tour because one of their staff is a friend of my cousin. When I heard about the Sunflower Farm, I thought they totally transformed it into a flower farm but learned today that it is just an added attraction. It is located in Tayug, Pangasinan. Its registration/entrance fee is PhP100 (PhP80 for persons with disability) and is open from 7:00am to 5:00pm.

The scenery going to Sunflower Farm surely won't bored you.

It was an spontaneous trip the reason why we travelled late. We arrived at 1:30pm. It's freakin' hot and we were greeted by a lot of people. The first thing I did was look for the registration booth. The booth is located inside the Allied's office. It's just across the farm. Once you have the ticket, syempre pwede ka na pumasok. 

You have to get your arm stamped before entering. It's their way of monitoring I think kung sino yung mga registered.
They have a lot of stamp designs :)

What to expect? (1) It is really scorching hot. Given that it's noon time, I still think the heat is insane.  As in masakit sa balat, bes. (2) There were a lot of people since it was already featured in Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho and we've seen a lot of blogs about it in social media. I honestly wish they would consider limiting the "tourists"(per day) because there were over 200 hundred people during our visit and so they could strictly conduct orientation. It's nice to know at least a lil background so that we would be going home with not just pretty photos but with additional knowledge as well. Two factors (1&2) contributed to why I did not enjoy the place that much. (3) But the flowers were really instagram-worthy. It's so hard to have a photo without photobomber though.

Should have taken a photo of the entrance so you'll have an idea of how many people were there.

(4)For the goers who would bring cars, expect a bit of hassle in going in and out of the place also in looking for a parking space. There are locals naman to guide you. (5)My apologies for I have said in my fb and ig post that there's nothing much to see. We didn't attempt to go to the maze because we can't stand the heat plus we have our mom (PWD) and a baby with us and because we've seen the vegetable farm before. (6) There are food stalls available in the place.

My nephew enjoyed playing with Upo

Is it worth it? I would say, sakto lang. Giving it a 3 out of 5. If you're the type who would travel 3hrs and up to visit the place I suggest, wag na, bes. We stayed for 30 mins lang. But if you would really do anything for your ig and the heat never bothered you anyway, go bes. And if you're like us na 1 hr and 30 mins lang ang travel time, pwede. The best time to visit should have been January to mid February I guess para full bloom ang flowers and malamig lamig ang panahon. (Tip for next year. Hehe)

Things you might want to consider:

1. As much as you want to take your babies, relatives with disabilities, elderly and the like with you, you might want to consider the weather and the situation. Kakayanin ba nila?

2. The clothes and make-up you wear. I saw a lot of people in full make-ups and in long sleeves and jackets. Those might add to your discomfort during your tour. Choose  breathable clothes and wear light make-up instead. You can still be trendy with those. 

3. You might want to apply sunscreen/sunblock :)

3. The flowers will start to wither on March 1. 

Will I come back? If there are new attractions to see, yes!

*Photos were hundred percent no filter. Taken using fujifiln X-A2

It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Things are not going well?  I am here to say...

Your friend/someone dear to you stopped talking to you for whatever reason it is. IT'S OKAY.

Overused as it may be, but it's true, not everyone is supposed to stay in your life. Some are meant to be just part of our memories. We sometimes meet people because there is something that we need to learn from them. It feels bad for sure but as we age we will be needing "quality friends" not "seasonal friends". We would want someone who would brace us as we face different seasons of our lives. We would want ourselves to be surrounded by people that are good for us.

You have not figured out yet what you wanted to do with your career/life. IT'S OKAY.

You are not the only person who have not figured out yet what to do with his career/life. Don't rush. Rushing might lead you to a wrong direction.

You want to try a lot of things? Go!There's no harm in trying. In time, I know you will find what's best for you. 

You haven't found the one for you. IT'S OKAY.

Love sees no age. Chances are God is still preparing you and so the one that's right for you. 

Get busy with your life. Hustle while you wait. The longer you wait, the more you'll value it when it is given to you.

You failed for so many times. IT'S OKAY.

I find it brave because that means you're still trying. I have heard a lot of success stories that started from failing. When you fail, you're getting a chance to do better the next try. Oftentimes, failing is a mark of a greater opportunity. So keep trying. You'll definitely make it.

And the list goes on...

In life, we don't have a hold on what is in-store for us. More so, the guarantee of always living a good life BUT we can always choose a good fight. Let me tell you this,  life is not always rainbows. Unfortunate things happen for us to value good times. For us to acknowledge that we can't do things alone.  That we need God. Call unto Him and these shall come to pass.

Head's up,lil warrior!  Keep fighting! 

Open Letter to Mr. Tarp

Dear Mr. Tarp,

I don't know if you were aware but you've been my crush since high school. I honestly don't know why? Siguro it's because of the dating that you have. Nalaman ko pang ang tindi ng humor mo. aaaaaayy!  Not to mention your dancing skills.  Pero may mas malalim pang dahilan ang open letter na ito. Ganito kasi 'yan. I was so happy when you congratulated me on facebook. Finally, you noticed me. Isang tarpaulin lang pala kailangan para mapansin mo ako ng kusa. Since then, we had constant communication. I was beginning to create in my mind something that isn't real. Sabi nga assuming na si 'te! We talked about serious matters but there was never about "US". So technically, umasa lang talaga ang lola mo! We went out once and I must say that's my best memory of you though you kept on checking the time. haha nanotice ko, bes! I was so nervous during that time. I didn't want to fail you. I didn't want to give you a wrong impression. Sadly, sometimes the more we stress over something that's when negative things are more likely to happen. We gradually lose communication. Though I kinda know the reason I still would like to ask you. Bakit? Pero syempre takot ako. We started wrong. The motive was misinterpreted.

Knowing you're in a relationship caused a slight pinch in my heart. Ikaw naman kasi paasa ka rin ng one-fourth. But I learned my lesson. I know na what to do and expect next time. Actually, that thought me not to expect unless it is clearly expressed. We often hear the saying "action speaks louder than words" but  there are some instances that you have to validate actions through words. You need to hear what it really means.

Thank you pa din I was given the chance to meet and get to know you behind the social media. Try kita patawarin. Jooooke! Syempre naman, kasalanan ko rin naman. 

So paano, hanggang dito na lang. :)

TANGAhanga,
Joyce

Securing the Future

Many of us fail to save for the future. Oftentimes, we live in the moment and we forget to prepare for what tomorrow entails.

*CTTO*

I.AM.GUILTY

Listen guys. Listen. Totoong kaganapan ito. (on a side note, everything I write here are true of me) 

I've been working for 5 years and believe it or not, I have not saved anything yet (AND I AM NOT PROUD OF IT). I was once this lady who has an exact allowance-just enough pamasahe and konting pangkain. Yet I used to save my baon for other necessary things. Opted to use my savings for school stuff rather than asking my mom for extra money to cover school expenses. I also use them to buy clothes or what it is that I need. So my life as a schooler is technically not the pasarap-buhay type. But I am not complaining. I know I need to do that because what we have is sapat lang  and I love helping my mom. Plus, it was my choice. 

Fast forward to the day I started working and finally earning money. I got overwhelmed because I can now buy what I want. (But that's just on top of my household responsibility of course. What we're talking here are extra money.) I buy clothes, shoes and stuff I've been longing for. I know. I know. There's nothing wrong with that. But I become giddy that I become more concerned of wanting to get the things I can't have before. It's okay if it's paminsan-minsan, but if it becomes palagi and you don't need it, you gotta stop. It should serve as a reward. You don't always get a reward, right? If it becomes frequent and out of control. DEAR, THAT'S NOT GONNA BRING YOU GOOD. THAT'S SPLURGING. Take it from me. 

I was so thankful I got sick. Not actually thankful I got sick but the realization which I hope I was hit earlier. It taught me the lesson I refuse to see since then. I need to save for my future. I need it that when something unforeseen event happened, I am prepared. True enough- sometimes you know what to do, but you tend to wait for the situation to punch you in the face before you could actually practice it. Haaaay, buhay stubborn. 

So here I am now, making it right this time. Sharing you some tips that are working for me because I care. 

1. Write your 'fixed expenses'. This includes bills, groceries and other things you need to settle. 

2. Separate your 'fixed expenses',  the money you're gonna save, and what you're gonna budget for your daily NEEDS. 

3. Monitor your daily expenses. Write 'em down. Para may babalikan ka at pag-aaralan kung saan ka sumobra at nagkulang, bes.

Ayan, yang Jollibee ang magandang halimba ng unnecessary. HAHA Pero sabi ko naman magsave, 'di i-deprive ang sarili  (Nailusot ko b?? HAHA)

4.  Keep savings as savings. And open [another] bank account for your S.A.V.I.N.G.S which I'm gonna do on December. 

  

TANDAAN!

Don't say I didn't warn yah! :-) 

love,

Joyce Lauren