Dead Time

I am assuming you know that I am in our office as I am writing this post. *winks*
Do you experience having this hour of the day when you were so productive then suddenly boom! you just don't wanna move. Exactly what's happening to me at this point in time. I am writing to keep my mind awake and processing. You know my love for writing (though writing doesn't love me back) But if you know me well, you would know that I write enthusiastically the most when I am feeling happy, sad, excited, angry... yeah! quite during extreme emotions!

Nothing so important to write.
The feeling is hmm never mind.
You may call it a pastime,
but this keeps me in my right mind.

Today, the drive is lost.
Yet I am writing this post.
'Cause this is what this little heart of mine propose.
That's why it's not that hard to compose

It's for you to decide whether what emotion controls me right now.

UPGRADING 2016: Lauren Version 2.0

Few more days before New Year, I decided to make a list of what I should improve in the coming year based on my experiences for the past years. Without further ado, here are the things I'd build on for 2016. Except for number 1, the following are in no particular order:

1. Always remind myself that God is in control and continue to let God takeover with my life. Trust in His timing, (This one isn't really something I need to improve but something to keep doing)
2. Be reminded that a no means New/Next Opportunity.
3. Be more patient and understanding.
4. Be delighted about life. Count more blessings; laugh at negativity. SMILE. SMILE. SMILE.(Remember number 2 & 3)
5. Keep in touch with my loved ones (including friends)
6. Work on balancing work and personal life. Don't be too attached with work. (To fulfill number 5)
7. Create more memories. Go out. Explore the world. Appreciate God's creations. (Invest in what would refresh my mind and in what would renew me)
8. 2016 is my year of SAVING! (Number 7 passes)
9. Build a better future even if it means going out of my comfort zone. (Again, number 7 is applicable)
10. Be kind.
11. Be a blessing to others.
12. Be more lady-like.
13. Always be grateful.
14. Rant less. (Or rant when necessary?)
15. Be wiser.
16. Talk less. Listen more.
17. Continue to learn.
18. Read often.
19. Work on God's gift to me. Enhance my talents. (Discover hidden talents??)
20. Be fit and healthy. (To be able to do more of number 7 and live longer, ofc)

That's it! I might add when I found out something that needs improvement. Help me with these! Pray for me. Advance Happy New Year, guys!!!!

What CHRISTmas 2015 Means to Me

Yes, I haven't updated my blog for a really long time; (1) I've been super busy with work, (2) I don't know how to get back to writing, and (3) I don't know whether I have something interesting to share with you guys.

 Again, yes, today is Christmas day. I don't know but Christmas celebrations now are different from the celebrations I grew up with. We used to be so excited about Christmas.Our family would stay up 'til dawn just chatting, singing and laughing. Although we still did sort of the things I mentioned last night. There's still this feel that there's lacking. Maybe because almost half of my relatives were away from our place. We used to celebrate Christmas altogether, that's how Christmas celebration our lolo imparted us. I guess it's just the longing? The longing for people you love and used to share all this 'Christmassy' thingy.

BUT there are brighter sides that's why this feeling didn't takeover that much. I was still able to share the blessings I received this year. I was still touched by the unexpected Christmas messages from friends, workmates and I have to say this, from some unexpected people. Plus, I gave my room the reward called general cleaning. Of course, more importantly, I can't be sad on the day my Savior was born and the fact that despite all odd circumstances He has sustained me and He has proved to me that there comes blessings after adversities. I am that confident with my faith in God. I know He will finish what He has begun in my life. So yeah, I hope everyone thinks the same way 'cause life is more pleasing when you acknowledge that there's a God you can entrust every aspect of your life. And I hope I did inspire you with this entry 'cause if yes, it'll be a great Christmas gift.

Here's to remind you that HE IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. We are celebrating the birth of Christ. Merry Christmas! God bless us all!

They Say Honesty Is The Best Policy...

If you would look through my older posts, you'll say I've moved on. But surprising as it may seem, uninvited emotions kept on recurring over the past days. I have been pretty down with disappointments and anger. A lot could be the cause and I didn't want to point out one. Some says, vent it out or let it out. And some, I think, wouldn't love the idea of me dwelling on the past.

I've had a conversation with my best friend regarding the matter recently, not only did I feel
relieved, I also learned to identify thoroughly from where are these really coming. As I head home, our lifegroup leader sent us a message which talks about pain dealings and forgiving. Right that very moment, things became clearer. I failed to forgive not just 'him' but myself as well. I've inscribed the repulsive things he has said and done to me for I thought it would free me from him... It would help me lose the feelings I have for him. Hence, it imprisoned me. It is not through dark that you would be freed. Where in fact, it enslaves you. It is always through light where you will learn to forgive and will let you be thankful it happened. It will help you look at the brighter side. Adeptly, God is working for our own good. If it is unnecessary, He won't let it happen.

Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.~Osho

My mom said, "There is no such thing as 'move on'. It doesn't happen." And for the record, again, she's right. You don't move on. You just move forward. You live with it as you learn from it.
This setback is a blessing in disguised. I was reminded of God's wonderful blessings and that I am capable of loving. LIKEWISE, IN GOD'S PERFECT TIME. :-)

In times of Loneliness, seek Him... Honor Him...

I ain't bitter, it is just that no matter what happens, I bet I  will carry the pain of the past. You just need/meet someone who [could] change/cover those. Guess what, the past months taught me to honor the pain. It has to be felt. I know it is essential in creating a new me and in building a life long relationship. I'D RATHER FEEL LONELY AT TIMES THAN FEED MY EMOTIONAL HUNGER IN UNACCEPTABLE WAY. In the end, it will benefit me. I'll get wiser. We know God give His hardest battles to His strongest/greatest soldiers. I will be rewarded- this is the clear ending to me, for now.

Valentine Blues

Well actually, akala ko nalampasan ko ang Valentine Blues dahil natapos naman talaga ang Feb. 14 ng may ngiti sa aking mukha. Wala pala dun ang struggle. LOL Nasa 15 pala. Yung feeling na gusto mong magdeactivate ng fb at  ig dahil puro mga gifts and dates ang nakapost. Ay sus! Kahit pala hindi talaga nagmamatter ang walang date o mareceive nang Valentine's Day. Aba aba! Maiinggit ka pala dahil sa paulit-ulit na pagdaan ng mga litrato at status sa newsfeed mo kung gaano sila kasuprise, natuwa, kinilig at kung anu-ano pa. Aba! Ke rami naman pala kasing sweet sa mundo, e bakit hindi naman ako makatagpo? Nagwoworkshop pa ba siya? Pwede ko naman kasi siyang turuan. HAHA O kung ako na lang magturo sa kanya kung paano maging sweet or mang-surprise? Marunong naman ako noon, marunong din ako gumawa ng letter at tula. E kung i-hire na lang pala kaya ako para gawin sa iba yun? Aray! Ang saklap naman pala ng role ko sa life. Charing!

ISA PA WHAT'S THE POINT OF TELLING SOMEONE YOU LOVE HER WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO PROVE IT? POINTLESS! I am not saying na material na bagay ang basehan ng love, pero andaming ways kaya to prove it pero wala kang naisip. WOW! Long message lang or presence oh. Tapusin ko na dito, nakita ko previous post ko pala about positivity. LELS

First of 2015

Good day, everyone! I arrived early at work today (Well actually, since the beginning of the year). I am quite confused... Confused in what should I do with my career. Looking for another job visits my thoughts. But I ain't have the courage to take that step. oh well, just help me pray regarding this matter.

About my plans for 2015, I want to go places. I want to see more of God's creation. I also wanna be fit. I wanna get back to my workout routines; bike more often and push myself to jog again aside from doing some stomach exercises. With regards to love life(uuuy! I know may interested dito. Chos!), if I will be given a partner this year, I'd be glad. If not, I am still happy. I always pray to God naman na I want Him to prepare me first. If He thinks I am now ready, then I will take care of it.  2015 is the year of hope, love, adventure and positivity for me! This year is going to be far  better than the last! Let's change our thinking. No excuses for 2015! :)

Self-esteem, may worth ka pa ba?

Para sa akin (tama,opinyon ko ito!), hindi mo dapat ibina-bargain ang iyong self-regard. Dahil kung lagi at paulit ulit mong gagawin baka sa bandang huli pati ikaw, sariling worth mo, maconfuse ka na din. Hayaan mo namang maranasan ang mapahalagahan. Yung mayroon mag-iiba ng direksyon o patutunguhan para sa iyo. Aba, bakit mo hahayaang maramdaman o may magparamdam sayo na napakaliit mo? Na ikaw ang laging kailangang mag-adjust?  Samantalang yung mismong Manlilikha mo, kasingtaas mo o mas mataas pa nga ang pagtingin sa 'yo. Minamahal at pinahahalagahan ka ng buong buo. Ngayon, anong karapatan nang ibang taong iparamdam sayo na wala kang halaga? Wala. Walang wala! Tandaan mo, ikaw dapat ang kauna-unahang magtaas ng worth mo. Sigurado ako, 'yan ang magiging basehan ng mga taong gustong pumasok sa buhay mo.

Muli, never compromise your self-worth.

E kaso sana...

Sana mayroong lalaking kahit gaano kahirap, iintidihin, aalagaan at mamahalin ka.
Sana mayroong magbibigay ng todong effort, hindi yung papaasahin ka lang at gagawin kang manghuhula.
Sana mayroong pwedeng magparamdam sayo na walang puwang ang insecurity sa buhay mo.
Sana mayroong nariyan para iappreciate at pahalagahan ka.
Sana mayroong lalaking kayang alisin lahat ng takot mo gamit ang gawa, hindi salita.
Sana may lalaking hindi jejemon pero ikaw lang sapat na.
Higit sa lahat, sana may lalaking magmahal sayo higit pa sa pagmamahal na kaya mong ibigay at inaakala mong deserve mo.

The (Shouldn't be) Frustration

I have assessed many times up to what extent I am willing to do for the person I love and it always ends up to "EVERYTHING-ANYTHING". Yes, I am the type of a lover who thinks more of her loved one's wellness over hers. I am the kind who's the word sacrifice will always be listed as 'frequently used.' When I love, I tend to be the one who gives and adjusts more. If you're asking, "Well, where's the frustration there, darling?". It is always in the question, "Will I find a partner who's also capable of those?", "Don't I deserve to be offered a selfless kind of love?"

BUT as you've noticed, I put "shouldn't be" 'cause I know God's preparing me. He wants me to look within me the yet undiscovered things about myself. He wants me to become complete so when the time comes that He'll push the 'Your-best-untold-love-story-begins-here button' there is no holding back. I know, this time, He wants me to be sure. He wants me to learn about what kind of relationship He thinks I deserve. He wants me to experience the pain so I would not take the risk of hurting myself once again. Those frustrations were gradually turning into a hope. A hope that someday I will no longer have to ask myself because I will experience it. When that happens, surely, those questions will transform into 'The long wait is over. You are undeniably worth it!'

Life is not fair, but God is and ALWAYS FAITHFUL. I'll hold on to His promise!