Monday, December 10, 2012

If you truly love someone, you will give her  more than what she deserves. -Joyce

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


11-15-2012: Today is our 44th month as a couple. I can’t believe we’ve made it to our 3yrs and 8mos in this relationship. At first, I, honestly have this belief that we won’t make it to our 4th month but look how far we’ve gone. That’s why I’m really proud of this relationship. It isn’t perfect. Yes, we do fight, argue, and all the things that put our relationship to a test. Whether you're in a long-distance relationship or not,  to have long-term relationship isn’t given. It's something you have to work hard for. It’s a long process that requires two people to COMMIT  their support, respect, effort, long patience, understanding, love and to EMBRACE each flaws, shortcomings, beliefs, and thoughts.
As long as you decide to be stronger and tighter than the struggles you’re meeting along your way-everyday, then you are. As simple as that.

PAOLO ANTOLIN, you’re my one true love. ;’>      


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

OPEN LETTER CHALLENGE-A letter to the Head of my faith [JESUS CHRIST]

To my forever DAD AND KING,

     The moment I accepted You as my ONE AND ONLY SAVIOR and THE ONE to take and rule over in my life, no problem is unsolvable, no struggle is unsurpassable, no pain  is unbearable, no fear  is  unconquerable, and no dream  is  unreachable. Truly with You, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!
     Without you, I know life would be unimaginably harsher to me; no genuine happiness, no unconditional love, and of course, there will be no assurance of a wonderful life.
      People may think that I'm not a godly person. But I know for sure, I am making You feel how close I am to You. You're the first One to visit my mind whenever I'm worried, I have a problem, I'm happy and burden-free. I guess no one has the right to question my relationship with You because I know in my heart how deeply I trust and surrender my life to You and how I am touched and moved by Your faithfulness and  warmth.
     I don't know how You manage to listen to billions of people who ask for different things. Perhaps, I will never know how. Thus, thank You for the opportunity to have eternal life and be blessed by You. You never turn your back from me though I have failed you for so many times. You're always willing to grant me your forgiveness even I continue to do the same mistakes. You love me unconditionally though most of the time, I'm not worthy.
     I will forever exclaim that nothing compares to the love You have offered me. I will do my best to be Your submissive servant and living bible.

Your daughter and servant,

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

FIFTEEN: Three Years and Five Months

Happy 41st! Thanks for the loving smiles that warms my heart and lightens my spirit. Hopefully, the next 41st that we're going to celebrate is our 41st wedding anniversary(and beyond). God bless us and our relationship! I love you, my now and forever. :">

"What is stopping you is not lack of inspiration, but lack of trust in your abilities."-Mara Wilson

Friday, August 10, 2012

Sensitivity Matters

I have a fear on spiders. This isn't innate in me. It just happened when I was a kid, one afternoon I [imaginably] heard a spider’s cry and thought the reason was I accidentally sat on it, but I immediately noticed that it was the drowning rat who seeks for help in the pail. Since that day, I dreamt of the giant spiders hunting me. And also since then I have had the so called arachnophobia. (As a psych graduate I have knowledge on how to treat phobias but I don't want to apply it in myself 'cause I know in my heart that I can't handle the fear. This fear might cause [ME] cardiac arrest or mental illness.)

I hate it when people use this weakness as the contrivance to their bully-ness. I loathe how they can still laugh even if they see me crying and chilling because of severe apprehension. In every conversation were a plan of throwing a spider on me where being brought up, whether it’s a joke or not,  my temper changes, uneasiness visits me and paranoia haunts me. And I am not exaggerating.
Simple things you thought is funny can bring discomfort to someone. Respect others despite their strange weaknesses and offer them deep understanding. You’ll never know how much it can affect her behavior/psychologically.
Never forget the golden rule: "Do not do to others what you don’t want others do unto you.”
It was never wrong to think first before you act especially if the outcome is perceptibly terrible.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Eye Opener

As I was reading Raymund Narag’s article (, different thoughts haunt me and questions started to form in my head- What kind of authorities we have for making an innocent man suffer and fracture its reputation by accusing him to the crime that he didn’t do anyway? How come those who were appointed to protect the people suddenly took someone’s good future? I’m not really sure how misleading rule over that particular case and if it’s right to think that authorities practice injustices over justness.  What I have read today is a clear evidence that power separates people from acquiring integrity.  And that this kind of incident tolerates and pushes people to continuously perform crimes since persecution and acquittal are in the hands of the dominant and influential ones. [This is exactly why I’m into equity and despises those who are unfair].
Conversely, I awe Mr. Narag for maintaining his optimistic thoughts and holding into his faith in God.  And for doing what’s right even what he has gone through is a product of wickedness and narcissism , also for keeping his dreams and adding it with a vision to help and give others inspiration.  For letting people see and realize that nothing’s too late if what you only want is for everyone’s wellness.
I pray that this won’t happen again because no one deserves this more than those who are guilty, that authorities won’t commit the same mistake again and provide people just treatment. And lastly, I pray to God that more Raymund Narag would come out for a better human race.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

OPEN LETTER CHALLENGE-A letter of my choice

In commemoration to my grandfather who passed away last July 28, 2010.

"A  grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart. -Unknown"

Dearest great man/awesome grandpa,

    It's been 2 years since you come home to our Dad/King. So how was it? Are you enjoying their company? I know you do. If you're about to ask "How about us?" Well, things are quiet okay now but there are still times that pains are unbearable and tears are unstoppable.
   You often visit my thoughts and I can't help but smile. :) You are ONE of the reasonS why I didn't consider rebelliousness as the compensatory effect of having an absent biological father. Aside from your role as our grandfather, you've also taken the role of being our father. You laughed with us, got mad with us, and the most easy thing you do, SPOILED us. Being a certified spoiler is something that mostly grandparents are capable of and you have proven me that. From the things I need in school to the things I only want, you've turned them into reality; You've never shown us tightfistedness. You have been the Central Luzon State University's troubleshooter and I should know better why. Of all the times my playmates had tripped on me, my kuya and cousins made fun of me and mama's wrath had exploded, you're my  vindicator and protector. In my Alma mater, I was tagged as "Apo ni Ka Piling" which caused me immense pressure but I've got over it and soon realized it was a privilege.
   I remember, how you've made me cry couple of times when I was young due to extreme fright. You loved to scare us with your ghost stories and with your radio-in-its-maximum-volume's horror tales you wanted us to hear before going to sleep. However, those tears are nothing compared to the shed tears when God decided to took you in His arms again. It's certainly the saddest unplanned reunion we have had.
  You've received a lot of awards and recognitions but I guess, the greatest can't be held in your hand. They're held in your heart and mind.; they are the memories you've given us, the wisdom you've shared and the kind of family relationship you've imparted us. For all the spectacular contributions you have in our lives and by deciding to surrender your life to our ONE AND ONLY GOD, you were granted the most precious gift, eternal life and that simple fact reduces our bereavement.

Happy 2nd Birthday to the new you and happy 2nd anniversary of rejoicing with God!
We all love you and your memories will forever remain.

A little teary-eyed while smilin' above,

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

OPEN LETTER CHALLENGE-A letter to a celebrity I like

To the hot mommah in showbizness (Jennylyn Mercado),

     Since the day you joined Starstruck up to the day you became the 'ultimate survivor' and 'till you have built a name and make an impact in the business, I am really into supporting you. Like you, I as well have giggled in every relationship you entered and sobered when bitter endings come.
    I may not yet see you face to face but I've watched you live in the studio of Party Pilipinas.You're really stunning! Each time you enter the stage strengthens my eagerness to come near you and just stare you closely with amusement. But as what a shy girl does and to properly behave because a lot of bouncers were there, I calmed myself.
    I won't forget the day when I saw you for the first time. We were both invited in one of the events in South Cotabato, that was 5 years ago. Unfortunately, it is Ara Mina whom we have the same scheduled performance. The moment we arrived at the GenSan Airport was also the time of your departure. Blessed enough, I noticed you as you come across even what I saw is just a half of your face. And we rode the same van that took you to the mentioned airport.
    From your fashion sense, looks, to personality, you are indeed a bright star! I admire how you cope with problems and stand strong after all. I love how you smile sweetly even I know you still carry the scars of yesterday. I am glad that you're happy in your current relationship. I know Luis will give you the proper care a fragile woman ought to have.
     I am looking forward to meeting you someday. Don't worry I won't harm you or anything. I will only offer you a smile since I am certain that I will be very much awe-stricken to the point that simple "Hello" would be hard to utter.
   I pray you all the best and happiness. Continue to shine. God bless you!

The lady who loves you,
Joyce Lauren

Monday, July 23, 2012

A simple but NOT an ordinary woman...

RE-POSTED!  originally, it was posted here My way of greeting my mom last last mother's day.

      I know a woman who still manage to survive, stay strong and keep positive in life no matter how hard it is being a mom. A woman who fills out every neglected responsibilities of her husband. A woman who never made her children feel unloved and incomplete. A woman whom should be called "the coolest mom in the world" not just because she have a good sense of humor but for being updated with the latest songs, being active in networking sites and being skilled with the different lingoes and new terms that have popped out- it's definitely not part of her responsibilities as a mom but she tried hard and did all of that because she wanted to get closer with her children.    
     Apart from listed above, this woman is also a true and loyal friend who’ll surely not tolerate your pathetic senseless actions but would definitely give credits for every right and good things made. A person who’ll make way to get in touch with her children’s friends or to whoever important person to them so that they’ll have good conversation with the same story during nighttime. An angel who can hide halo and wings to show off horn and tail if she thinks her children are being mistreated.  An understanding woman who forgives and forgets but makes sure you learn from your mistakes, A big fan who never gets tired in accompanying her child in every rehearsals and performances just to partake with her child’s success and to prove how proud she was.   
      I’m overweening to say that the woman I’m talking about is no other than my mom. I’m blessed enough to have in life a friend, a counselor, a teacher, a God’s daughter and evidently a wonderful mom who loves us purely, hooks us in her caring arms and brings glow in our life. 

My superwoman mom:)

-I'm really sorry for everything, for getting mad so often, for not getting your point  at times, and for not obeying you sometimes .I'm much thankful for you being our mom, you've done and sacrificed a lot for us. Thanks for not giving up on us. I and my siblings appreciate all your efforts. I'm aiming for the best because of you, you will always be the reason behind my accomplishments. WE Love you!

OPEN LETTER CHALLENGE- A letter to the person who has influenced me the most

I won't give a single name because if there is really one person who has influenced me the most, definitely, it's my mom. But I decided to make this open letter challenge to give props to those who inspire me and to create another letter for my mom to make it more special.

To my dearest inspirations,

        Thanks to the people who have been there for me through thick and thin, my friends, co-dancers, church mates, classmates and most especially my family. Thank you for giving me all the support and words of encouragement I need. Thank you for believing in me and staying at my side. Thank you for all the love and care. If it wasn't for you all, I surely achieved nothing. I promise to stay the same, continue doing good and making you all proud.
         I would also like to commend those who are unaware that they are giving me inspiration simply because I am not really personally attached to them. I only know them based on what I see and read. They are the ones whom I silently follow in different sites. Each time I visit their accounts to look for an update, a light mood enters my spirit. Your blogs not only take me to my dreams but also remind me to keep and pursue them. Your blogs also remind me that anything is possible especially when your in God's grace. So thank you for sharing your thoughts through your posts/blogs. And for letting me and other people be inspired through your works of art. 
          Lastly, I want to express my gratitude to the people who hurt, criticized and pulled me down. I must say I won't be strong and determined without you. You all pushed me to take a leap and have hunger for success. Thank you for I won't have my accomplishments without your irrational yet wrecking words. I guarantee that your words will never bring me down, instead it'll be my reason to do better. You may see me struggle but I would never fall.

Inspired by all of you,

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

OPEN LETTER CHALLENGE-A letter to my best friend

"bhiebhezt" turned into "bestfriend" 'cause we formerly called each other "bhiebhezt" but not after I had a boyfriend and decided to change it into "bestfriend" so that people won't be mistaken regarding on the relationship we have.

Dear "bhiebhezt" turned into "bestfriend",

I know I am blessed to have you as my bestfriend especially because you came in to my life in one of my somber moments way back in high school. And still,you continue to make me feel your presence, you're always there and I have "Adrian" to call on to whenever things fall doomed although most of the time, I've  inadvertently made you feel alone, not appreciated and unwanted.
Nevertheless, I want you to know that even things may not be the same between us. I might get busy with other stuffs, not able to text you, nor comfort you all the time. But my concern and care for you has and will  never change/d. I am always here with my shoulders to cry on, ears to listen, lips to give you the proudest smile for your every accomplishments and of course, the prayers to guide and protect you all the way.
Thanks for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Yes, everything! And my apology for being unfair and not giving you the 'give and take relationship' you deserve.

The one you call "dance princess",
Master/I hope still your BESTfriend


OPEN LETTER CHALLENGE- A letter to myself as a child

2ND CHALLENGE, R-E-P-O-S-T-E-D! Again, originally, it was posted HERE  (11-11-2011)

Dear innocent-and-delicate ‘younger-past self’,

I always look back on you and how you lived your life. You were once filled with complete happiness and pure simplicity. You weren’t asking for too much then, yet things and some people hurt you. You’re not so aware of it ‘cause what you only want that time was a little of their attention and affection, and a bit of their care and respect. You were quickly moved by gladness and easily carried by sadness. You fascinatingly swayed with the sweetness of fantasy and understandingly jived with the bitterness of reality.
Since then, you’re not expressive and assertive which is the reason of your self pity-ness and tears, but I know it’s also the cause of your strength and perseverance. I won’t tell you that “I wish that you didn’t do such mistakes” because I do know how you faced it with courage and how it made meaning to your ‘present self’.
I want you to know that you did great, you achieved a lot, and you pleased yourself well. Thank you ‘cause you never fail to make me smile and I know whenever I’ll try to get back to the memories you made, YOU’LL STILL GIVE ME THIS KIND OF BODY CURVE—> :)

Smilingly reminicin’,
Your special-in-a-fragile-way ‘present self’

OPEN LETTER CHALLENGE- A letter to my significant other

1ST CHALLENGE, R-E-P-O-S-T-E-D! originally, it was posted HERE  (10-15-2011)

Dear significant other (you know who you are;”> ),

Thank you for creating this 2 yrs and 7 mos story with me:’) Hope you know that I always want to make you happy and proud though I’m such a failure when it comes to it. I know that I hurt you, consciously and not. It was never my intention and I never wanna see you hurt.
I know we’ve gone through a lot of conflicts and arguments but I want you to know that I’m still hoping and praying that God will make a way for this relationship to work and work and work, so lets keep our faith and do everything according to His will:)
Pls be patient with me… No more fights but more heart smiles! :))

I-love-you-never-ending-much! ♥♥♥
Again, Happy 31st Fifteen!

Sincerely yours,
Other half


Let me start with this so that you know the reason behind my URL and the title page of my blogspot and also what to expect with my future blogs...

"I'm not good at expressing my feelings, so I keep everything bottled inside. Half the time, I want to tell someone what I'm feeling, but I don't even know how to describe it so I stay quiet."

Have you ever heard about this word? If not, alexithymia is a term coined by psychotherapist Peter Sifneos in 1973 to describe a state of deficiency in understanding, processing, or describing emotions. But in my case, which I suspect, it's more of the inability to express feelings with words.

Isn't it funny? I'm telling you this without having enough knowledge and deep understanding regarding this kind of deficiency except for the fact that most of the time I can't describe and express my thoughts and feelings which is also relatively the implication of being alexithymic.

I'm unsure if I just can't find the right words to say or it's just me being unable to have the guts in addressing what's in my mind. Whether I'm scared not to be heard or be given the attention I'm expecting to have in return or  I'm just afraid that I might  be misinterpreted and misunderstood by others.

Whatever it is, I know it's a problem because it's the ground to my feelings of enviousness whenever I encounter people who can speak their minds, those who raise their hands during recitations, those who can present in front of other people serenely. And those who can exchange conversations with others without trying to figure out whether she said the wrong words or she could have been said anything better.

Yes, addressing  my thoughts in any form is hard for me. So forgive me if I can't tell you everything right away. But don't feel eerie, I'm now glad that, somehow, gradually, I'm having the courage to at least vent out everything through blogging. And eventually, I know I will have the guts and confidence that will make me a good writer and speaker. :)