The Person Who Knows You Well

In the midst of this dramatic-cuddling weather, I came into a realization that my mother knows my pain even when (a) it's in the form of silence, (b) I am unconscious I'm carrying it, and (c) regardless of me being overly denial. She does not need to see a tear fall down in my face before she get to know it. SHE FEELS IT EVEN when I don't admit it.

Oftentimes, I thought you were just overreacting. I just knew there is always this deeper sense in what you're saying which comes from the very reliable thing called mom's instinct. I must say, MOTHER IS THE BEST PSYCHOLOGIST.

Out with Old, In with the New

I have decided to change my thinking--thinking about myself, goals and how I mingle with the people around me. If there are things I love about what happened months ago it is giving myself a chance to discover my strengths and weaknesses. Being able to stand for myself and bring back the  respect I know I rightfully deserve.  From that very moment, as my days have changed, I learned to see things wonderfully. Begun to appreciate the shine of a rising sun, breeze of the morning, simple text from a friend, little gfits and thoughts from the people who appreciate me. Wooooow! There is more to life than just focusing your full time to just one person. There is so much more to look forward to. My eyes become wide open to the reality that God's love for me is bigger than me.  How He has blessed me for years which I neglected to put my attention to. Everyday is a gift-be excited about it!

Today, I choose myself! I choose to know more about God's promise! To give importance to the people who value me. This is my life. I will live positively. No rushing, More of embracing! THIS IS MY DECLARATION :)

GENTLEMEN'S DAY

For the past years, I have been aware that a father is the one who watches over you, serves as your pillar, prays for/with you, hugs you on your down moments, witness every milestone in your life, wants the best for you, works hard for you and THE ONE WHO STAYS because they love you. You may have the one you call "best/great dad", thus, I was favorably blessed by God with countless gentlemen in my life who exemplify everything I have mentioned above. BLOOD DOES NOT DETERMINE FATHERHOOD; RESPONSIBILITY, AVAILABILITY AND DIGNITY DO.

Happy Father's Day to the gentlemen who made me feel loved for years! I love you from the bottom of my heart. You all made meaning to who I am right now. 

For once, I am going to say this,
"I had you at your worst, she had you at your best."
Ain't saying this with regrets,
This is just a regress. 
Hey, I still wish you the best.

Note To The ‘Has Been’

Making a note for you is something that is not new to me. Thus, with this one, contents do. From the moment  we parted our ways, I have seen a lot of changes. I can see now that you are happy(Nonetheless, by God's grace, I am happy, too.). Right there, I knew I made the right decision. I knew this is what you/I/we need. Well, it has been my reason since that day, to see you in a right disposition. I want you to find yourself and look for your new inspiration/motivation. I just hope it continues til I see a successful you. I am thankful for the memories. And I’m grateful for the pains. After all, I have learned that there is no such thing as bad experiences only lessons learned. Wishing you all the best. I know at this point in time, I am writing with a happy heart.

Sincerely & truly,

The woman who cared/cares for you

Ode to Mister Life-Saver/Heart-Fixer

    I always tell you how you make my heart smile. I know once you've learned about it, you will say "weh?" na naman.
   Funny how I depressingly felt ditched for the past months e you were around. You're providing me a different perspective, helping me see a brighter side. Embarrassing! I'm too concerned with my filthy unhealthy feelings. I'M SO GLAD YOU NEVER GAVE UP.
   Stubborn as you love to describe me, yet you know that I honor your words and your opinion matters. I keep on wondering how you maximize the remaining pinch of confidence I have for myself.  Hmm, I must say YOU ARE THE BEST CONFIDENCE BOOSTER! Having tested your patience for 1... 2... 3... 4... ohh! countless times, it's proven. It is the longest! :)
   How on earth you maintain not to think of sinful thoughts about other people? I know some instances which you may be excused of creating one yet you chose to ignore and be nice anyway. Biggest heart of all! Out of your overly productive crazy days, a big space is always always intended for me. Your efforts scream P-R-I-O-R-I-TY! hihi Where will I find another person having great mind as you who tirelessly say I am also good. That I am smart and talented, too. That I can be anything I dream to be.
   Sigh :) I will never run out of pleasant words to describe you. You are truly an amazing person. I'm blessed it is me you've given the privilege to experience your contagious acts of generosity. You deserve all the love, happiness and respect! You've given me more that I deserve and I couldn't thank you enough for that.

Ending it with this:

Sincerely, thank you :")

Wisdom

Recently I had experienced life's unexpected turn-of-event, I think it would be great to share the lessons I earned from this situation. A person close to me once said that committing mistake is not bad, for you have gained experience and knowledge but listening to others' experiences gives you wisdom without the need to undergo pain and failure.
I've thought about it many times and come up with the following: It is NOT wrong to love someone truthfully but be sure not to make him the center of your life, please please spare for yourself. This is to prevent you from being devastated. If you have made him your world, how are you going start again if "your world" is gone. It is okay to 'give' but never forget that you also need to know when to 'take back'. Efforts and love should be reciprocated. Submitting and being over-controlled are two different things. Do's and don'ts must be logical. Know your worth and never lose it. Keep in mind that every woman deserves to be respected, be treated like a princess and be taken good care of. Learn to say no. Hold on to your values. As you love him more, remember to love yourself the most. Lastly and importantly, ask for His guidance.

Cliché

To you not-so-perfect-man,

I hope I get to meet you before my timetabled marrying age comes. I hope you will love me for who I am, what I can do and what I can give. I hope you are the one who would make me believe that I am truly beautiful, that I am worth of your admiration, worth all your efforts. I hope you will love me despite my countless imperfections, incredible mood swings...  regardless of my past. I hope you will love me not only in my best days but also in my worst. I hope you will always patiently understand me. I hope you won’t cage me-you will just let me be. I hope you won’t stop me from doing the things I love and wishing to do. I hope you won’t create barriers with my friends. I hope you will love them too. I hope you will draw me closer to God and to my family. I hope you will  bring out the best in me. I hope you will kiss my worries and fears away. I hope you're someone I can trust. I hope you will be honest with me... Always always honest with me. I hope you will still pursue me even if you already got my "yes". I hope you won’t give me the reason to get jealous. Make me feel secure. I hope you will give me the most genuine and sweetest smile. I hope I am your priority. Your only woman. Your only love. The one you cherish. The one you can be proud of.

I hope I get to meet your standards.
I hope to gain respect; please honor me,

Make me feel I am the lucky one.

P.S I hope I did not gave you a demanding impression. And I will try harder to do the same.

-Weird hopeless-romantic woman (YUCK!)

  Joyce Lauren

The Mommah and Honey I Want To Be...

First on the list is more likely predictable. Hello! I’ll be the hottest mommah, a wifey who maintains her figure (I’m crossing my fingers). Probably a working mom but doesn't forget her most important job-to take care of her family and be there constantly. Let us say a woman who commits her full time and attention even if it means waking at 4:30am to prepare breakfast, coming home early for dinner, and staying up late at night but surely fulfilled her duties as a mom and wife.

More likely, a mom/wife whom they can confide everything with. Yes, I’ll be you number  1 best friend (Whether you like it or you like it. YES! NO CHOICE! *chuckles*) I’ll be the coolest and most understanding woman in your lives but hey hon/babies, mommah won’t tolerate your inexcusable deeds. I should take responsibility in what you should become(Yes! You are included, Daddy!). We will be a God-centered family.

I will make sure that there is something you will happily look back in every special occasions. We will discover things together. We will create and share candid happy moments. I will be the best chef in town. BUT (READ CAREFULLY) eating together especially during dinner is the condition I wouldn't want to be taken for granted. It’ll be our bonding and sharing time.

I must say, I can be your dance partner, videoke buddy, movie date or simply your stage mother and your proud better half. I’ll be the source of your happiness. The person who brings glow in your heart. A woman who gives you inspiration. And someone whose bad vibes counterpart; your forever brighter side. I will love you on your best days and never less on your worsts.

Through the help of God, we will stay bonded and guided. I will love you equally and wholeheartedly.

The hardworking woman of your lives,

JOYCE LAUREN 

I Can Do More!

     Looking back and comparing all the things happened and happening to me. Finally, I’m seeing a big difference. I was once a girl who’s afraid to go to a private school due to my poor communication skill especially when obliged to speak in English. If I was just brave enough to enroll in that high performing secondary school, more likely I am not a CLSU alumnus. I think I’ll take the risk of  studying in Manila (I even let the chance to take the admission exam at CSB-DLSU and apply for their scholarship program passed). Oh well CLSU contributed  a lot to who I am now and my Alma mater is just as good as other Uni’s in Manila.

     I remember, it was the end of the second semester during my freshman year. It’s the time where you have to think of the course that you’re gonna pursue. From elementary to high school, Education is on my first list. Then thought of taking Development Communication but  knowing my possible classmates made me back off. And also I have gauged that speaking in front of others was tough for me. Yes, I am that self-doubting. And I let others affect me. I ended up taking Psychology and enjoyed it. Doing a lot of researches improved my writing skill. And it’s crazy to deeply understand the way people think, react and behave (in a positive way). Now I’m more open to any kind of situation and people (including ignoring annoying people and being more patient with them). That’s what we do. Deal and listen to people.

     For the past years I let my fears rule over me. I have always been afraid. Afraid to go out alone, address what I feel, live independently, try new things, deal with changes, take the path I want. My lack of confidence and trust in my ability restrained me to the things I love doing. My fears and inferiority complex took away my opportunity to enjoy life.  Now  I want to be brave. Be brave enough to stand for what I believe would benefit me. Taking chances isn't bad. After all there’s no harm in trying. It’s better to tell yourself “better luck next time” than having “what if's?” and  “If only's” in mind.  As for every unsuccessful attempt comes a fruit of experience.